The sun and the sky

Every time someone asked how my week was going this week the only word I had that came to mind was “testing.. it’s been a testing week.”

Was it the new moon? Maybe.

From challenging (albeit normal) bumps in the new business road, long work days, dreary weather, and unexpected fallouts from old support systems- you name it, I probably got it.

Spoiler alert.. the sun still came up in the morning.

Through one of these numerous kicks in the ass from the Universe the last week or so I had, of course, some enlightenment.. and as it often does with me it came in the form of what felt like a stab in the chest reaction to a peers decision making process followed by interpretive dreaming on my part.

^^?? Don’t worry about it.

In my dream I dreamt of mirrors.

In the dreams I woke up surrounded by old comforts but in those old comforts I was faced with reflections that simply were staring me in my face.

I was followed and watched by a transient but related being- with dark, tidal blue eyes that never lost direct contact with my gaze. Still, calm, but undoubtably probing eyes. The being changed forms. Sometimes directly myself, sometimes others from my life’s stories taking different meaning, but yet- the same meaning- every shift in shape.

Through this restless sleep I wandered through (symbolically) a chamber of mirrors, each one simply stating that any answers I was searching for, any change I wanted, was right there. The handbook was mine for the reading. Any analysis, complaint, drama, fallout, burnout I was having was a direct reflection of my own decisions. The only change that I could expect was the shift I made for myself- I woke feeling that I had flipped every comment or concern I’d had about others or situations back on myself.

It was not complicated. It was just plain and simple obvious statements from the abyss.

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” CS Lewis.

Over a period of days some of the raw burn out and emotions preceding it settled. I woke this morning to a rising sun, blinding me in the midst of a clear, calm, gentle morning.

Opportunities and ideas came flooding in all day long, unexpectedly, as I embraced the reassurance that everything was going to be.

It will be what it is going to be.

The comforting ability to sit in the calm, quiet, blindingly sunny moment I was in came rushing back.

Do you ever do that? Get so tied up in the past, the future, the endless expectations and reliance on other people’s pasts, futures, and expectations that you forget that all that ever is is only here for a moment at a time?

Staring at the reflections in that dreams wasn’t stressful, hurtful, or unsettling. IN that moment it was exactly what it was. An observation. A small enlightenment. Nothing more, nothing less.

A chance to sit in the still of myself and be still enough to see something staring back out of the waters within.

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